Authors: 2writers4spike aka mabel_marsters & dawnofme
Warning: Mentions of Spike with others.
Betas: seapealsh & slaymesoftly. Thank you so much!
Anticipation: a: a prior action that takes into account or forestalls a later action b: the act of looking forward ; especially : pleasurable expectation
Summary: Having no idea how it happened, Spike finds himself back in 1977, reeling from a newly acquired soul and more guilt than most could handle. After dodging Drusilla, his main focus is getting back to his own time and back to Buffy in Sunnydale so that he can atone for all he's done. That is, until he sees the newly born slayer in 1981 and goes off in a new direction. Can he stop the events that brought misery to Buffy's life, or will he be forced to watch destiny destroy the woman he loves all over again?
Disclaimer: We own no part of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series. We write this purely for fun and not financial gain. No infringement of copyright intended.
banner by dawnofme
Whatever Buffy was expecting Spike to say, that wasn’t it. He sat beside her on the couch in Giles’ apartment without a smile on his face and kept his eyes on her watcher.
“Time travel?” Giles reared back, shaking his head. “You are wasting our time with silly questions like that? Let’s get serious here and start by telling me how you’re able to walk outside in the day time.”
Running his hand through his platinum hair in frustration, Spike said, “I am being serious. But I didn’t expect you to believe it. Right then, the day walking.” He held out a pale hand and Buffy’s eyes were drawn to the black nail polish until he took off a menacing looking skull ring and turned a gold ring with a green stone up on that finger. “This is how I’m doing it. The Gem of Amara.”
“The Gem of—why does that sound familiar?” Giles said, holding out his hand. “May I see it please?”
“No!” Spike’s hand was suddenly hidden from view and as he glared at Giles, he said, “I’m not letting this little bauble get out of my grip this time. And I’m sure you have a dusty tome or two around here that will clue you in as to what it is. Look under myths and legends.”
“Where did you get it?” Buffy found herself asking, softly.
A feeling of unease settled in the pit of her stomach. She had crushed on the souled vampire for a long time now and just when it looked like he might be starting to like her too, he was acting strange. He insisted that Angel was cursed, but maybe she was too. Destined to fall for someone she couldn’t have.
Their knees touched when he turned to face her. “It was right here in Sunnydale, under the ground like buried treasure. I only took the effort to retrieve it this time because I knew it would be a help to you.”
“This time?” Giles asked.
“Yes, this time. The last time, I was Buffy’s enemy and I got the Gem so I could beat her.”
“And we’re back to time travel. You expect us to believe this?” Giles said with another shake of his head.
“Did you?” Buffy asked.
“What? Beat you?”
The thought that this man/vampire/whatever he was had once ever thought about killing her was wigging her out and when Spike chuckled and reached out for her hand, she took it out of his reach.
More sober now, Spike said, “No matter how hard I tried and even with the Gem, I couldn’t beat you. In fact you ripped it off my hand in broad daylight and if it wasn’t for the sewer entrance, I’d have been dust.”
His wry smile did something to her insides, even though she was utterly confused.
“You expect us to believe this?” Giles said. “When did this supposed fight happen?”
“Well, in this time, it won’t happen, but in my first time line, it would be happening in about four months.” He turned to Buffy, nostalgia evident on his face. “We fought on the campus of UC Sunnydale. You were magnificent as always. I think I knew, even then, that we were a match.”
Giles scoffed at that. “This is all nonsense. Time travel is impossible, but I’ll give it to you. You take the biscuit for being the vampire with the best imagination. Can’t think what you hope to gain from this.”
Glancing between Giles and Spike, Buffy could feel the tension rising in the room. Giles was pretty knowledgeable, but Spike seemed really sincere. He hadn’t said it yet, though. So she asked, “Are you saying that you really traveled back in time?”
After a brief nod from Spike, Giles rose from his seat and waved his hands in agitation. “So where is your double then? If you’ve traveled through a portal or some such thing, there would be two of you.”
“I can’t be too sure, because I was really out of it when I did the actually travelling, but I think my mind, memories and my soul just traveled back in time and into my body from the past.”
“Why did you want to travel back in time?” Buffy asked.
Before Spike could answer, Giles went back to his seat and snapped, “Just pray tell how did you accomplish this amazing feat of time travel?”
“To answer you both, I didn’t. One minute, it’s May of 2002 and I’m in Africa getting my soul shoved back into my carcass and the next, it’s 1977 and I’ve just broken the neck of the slayer from that time. I have no idea how it happened. I didn’t ask for it and it wasn’t part of the bargain to get my soul back.”
“So you weren’t cursed with your soul.” Buffy made it as a statement. He’d told her as much the last time they’d had a conversation about it, but she hadn’t really known what to think and he’d been so elusive then.
“No. No curse. I did it for you. I fell in love with you without it, but …”
Spike pointedly looked down and Buffy wondered why he was getting so choked up, even while her heart soared to hear him say that he was in love with her.
Ignoring Giles, who’d taken his glasses off to clean them as he muttered under his breath, Buffy encouraged Spike to continue. “But what?”
“But I realized … uh… through a series of events, that my love wasn’t good enough. That without a soul, I would only go on hurting you.”
Buffy wanted to continue talking about his soul, his love for her and what it all meant, but skeptical Giles wanted more and he grilled Spike for the next hour. Spike did his best to explain what had gone on and the more he talked, the more confused she got. He really believed what he was saying and something inside her told her it was true, but at the same time, it was so farfetched.
He explained how he’d come back and had to deal with what Giles called his paramour, Drusilla. And that he was crazed with guilt from the newly acquired soul and that for months, he’d only been able to wallow in his room.
“I was there when you were born,” he told her, staring deep into her eyes. “I snuck into the nursery and you reached out to me and gripped my finger.” Giles started to talk, but Spike pressed on, effectively cutting him off. “I watched over you for most of your childhood.” He chuckled then. “Even got my roommate to go to the Ice Capades with me so I could watch you enjoy your birthday. And I was there when you slew your first vampire in that cemetery with Merrick. Angel was there too.”
Spike stopped and glanced around as if he just realized that he now had a captive audience. Buffy looked over at Giles. His arms were crossed and he had that stubborn look on his face, but he nodded to Spike to encourage him to go on.
“I followed Buffy out here to Sunnydale. I’ve been anticipating every big threat that I could remember and working to lighten her load and keep her safe.”
“And you expect us to just believe this?” Giles said.
With a shake of his head, Spike said, “Don’t expect you to do anything.”
“Then why tell us this and why now?” Giles said.
“Because I made a promise to Buffy that I’d tell her everything after her graduation, and I keep my promises to her.”
“So, twenty-two years you’ve been reliving the past and not once have you tried to get back?” Giles said.
“Well, once I got on my feet, I did spend a couple of years searching for someone who could tell me what was going on and maybe help me get back, but no matter where I traveled across the country, every lead was a dead end. No one seems to know about time travel. And then, it was the year for Buffy to be born and after I saw her in the nursery, I gave up on the idea of going back at all.”
His rough hand covered hers and he asked her, “You believe me, don’t you?”
Instantly, her eyes met Giles. He shook his head slowly and scowled at her. Last year, she would have trusted Giles over anyone else; she would have accepted his instincts. But he’d betrayed her trust when he’d given her those shots and now as she glanced at Spike she realized that she had come to count on him more than Giles. Still, it was too much to take in and make an informed decision so quickly.
“I’m not sure. I want to believe you. I think maybe I do.”
Giles pointed at Spike and narrowed his eyes. “You’ve given us all this mumbo jumbo about following Buffy around, but what proof do you have that you are from the future?”
“I don’t know what proof I could come up with—wait! How did I know about the loophole in Angel’s curse or that the teacher was a gypsy?” Spike’s eyes lit up as he said it. “Angel didn’t even know about that little extra to his curse.”
“I’m curious,” Giles said, obviously not thinking that was proof. “What would have happened had you not told Angel about the curse when you did?”
Standing up, Spike shook his head. “You don’t want to know.”
“Sit down!” Giles said, loud enough to cause Buffy to jump. Spike slowly sat back down, a grim smile on his face as Giles added, “If you’re telling us the truth, than you’ll have a believable story.”
Spike’s smile faded. “The first time around, Buffy and Angel got real cozy like they did this time. Only I was here with Drusilla and I was evil. I had no clue about Angel’s curse clause back then. Buffy and Angel shagged, he lost his soul and went insane, trying to torture the lot of you. Succeeded too. When he found out that Jenny Calendar was working on a way to stuff his soul back in, he… he killed her.”
Giles’ intake of breath gave Spike pause, but then he continued. “Angelus was attempting to end the world, so I sought the Slayer out and teamed up with her to bring him down. It worked and I left town with Dru, but came back when Drusilla dumped me the next year.”
“And so we became friends after you helped me?” Buffy asked when Giles stayed silent.
“No. It was a temporary truce. It wasn’t until I came back while you were in college that I got captured by the Initiative and got that chip in my head that things changed.” Absently, he touched the back of his head and winced.
“What’s this Initiative?” said Giles, perking up.
“Proof that I’m telling the truth.” The vampire’s smugness was not helping him win any points with Giles, so he added, “Get a pen and paper. I’ll tell you about things that are to come in the next year and you’ll know I’m telling the truth when they happen.”
~ * ~ * ~
Spike stopped the Desoto two blocks away from Revello Drive and stared at Buffy. Since they’d left Giles’ she hadn’t said a word. Nerves were getting the better of him and he had to know what she was thinking.
He started to say, “I—”
“So Xander is going to start dating that ex-demon that he went to prom with?”
“Yes. Anya. And if things keep going somewhat like they did before, they’ll even get engaged.”
Spike had told Buffy and Giles about the Initiative and about Oz leaving Willow and the spell that she would cast to have her will be done. He left out the part about him and Buffy getting engaged, but one day, he might tell her about it.
“And this guy, Riley, that I’m going to meet is a soldier with this Initiative group?”
“Yes, and your soon to be psychology professor is actually the head of the Initiative. A real evil bitch, that one.”
She went quiet on him again.
“You believe me, don’t you?”
“I think I do.” She leaned back into the seat and let out a tiny sigh. “Either way, I’ll know for sure once school starts. And now I’m wondering if I should tell Willow that Oz is going to leave town or if I should stay out of it?”
“It’s probably best to stay quiet. She’s going to need you when it happens though. As I said, she’s going to take it pretty hard. But it won’t be long after that she gets with the other witch, Tara.”
“Tara?” Buffy let out a soft laugh. “That’s a strange name for a guy.”
“Uh… Tara isn’t a man. She’s—”
“Willow? Gay? You’ve got to be kidding!”
Spike shrugged and then started the car. She would see it was all true, soon enough. “So, home then?”
“I almost forgot, I’m supposed to meet the gang at the Bronze. Can you take me there?”
They were silent on the ride over, but when he pulled up in front, she turned to him and stammered as she asked him to come inside with her. The Bronze was hopping with jubilant graduates, but Buffy grabbed his hand and pulled him towards a table at the far end. He wasn’t too sure that he wanted to sit around the table with them, but they’d all been pretty relaxed about him. Nothing like the first time around. Of course, he hadn’t tried to kill any of them and Angel hadn’t turned on them, so they had no reason to be wary of another souled vampire.
“Hey, guys,” Buffy had to shout as they walked up to the group. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Spike.”
After they all mumbled no, Oz grabbed two more chairs and they sat next to each other. Willow smiled softly at the vampire and then winked at Buffy. Xander took a drink from his red plastic cup and looked resigned to the fact that Buffy had found another guy that was not him. But the table went quiet as the rest of the club goers continued with the celebrations around them.
“So,” Spike said cheerfully. “What are everybody’s plans for the summer?”
That got the ball rolling and soon they were all talking over each other. Xander was leaving in two days for a road trip across country, while the rest were going to take it easy. Later, Xander made a comment that he thought there was something missing, as if they hadn’t done all they should have in high school. Buffy raised an eyebrow at Spike who mirrored her look right back at her. They smiled at each other until Xander cleared his throat.
They had decided that it was best not to tell the others about his time traveling, so he couldn’t tell them all of the things they should be glad that they had missed. It was nice having a secret with Buffy that did not include sexcapades in his crypt. Although, that wouldn’t be so bad.
He was brought out of his thoughts when Buffy suggested that Spike go with them somewhere tomorrow.
“The beach. We’re having a whole day there, including a bonfire at the end of the night.”
Spike agreed to meet them there when the sun went down. He didn’t want the others to know he could go out in the sun and didn’t plan on going out on a regular basis. If other vampires caught wind of his little accessory, he’d never have any peace and he’d spend all his time fighting them off to keep the Gem.
After a night of watching her dance and sitting next to her while she talked with her friends, he was ready to get her alone again and he enjoyed the silent ride home. Especially when she reached over and grabbed his hand. It was surreal to have her in the passenger seat of his car, holding his hand and smiling shyly at him from time to time.
He walked her to the door and when he tried to give her a quick peck on the lips, she grabbed his head, went on her toes and kissed him properly. Feeling her strong hands gripping his shoulders and moving down his back was a welcome and familiar thrill that he’d thought never to experience again.” All too quickly, he was feeling like he was losing control of the situation and of himself.
Just as he was reminding himself that she was an innocent, Buffy pressed her body against his erection. His hips jerked forward, wanting more and she fell back against the door, her eyes shining with lust, her lips parted and her chest rising and falling.
“We might be going a little too fast here,” Spike said, putting some distance between them.
She continued to use the door for support, but shook her head. “Not too fast. You’ve been in a love with me for a long time, haven’t you?”
With a quick nod, he swallowed as she licked her lips and he said, “Seems like I’ve always loved you, but I know that hasn’t been the case with you. We should slow down.”
“Why did you let me date Angel?”
“I didn’t let you. You two were hell bent on it if I recall. And I did stop it before he lost his soul.”
Buffy looked down at her feet. “I would have gone out with you, if you’d asked.”
Spike put his arms around her, hugging her tight and moving them away from the door. He put her head in his hands and rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs, looking deeply into her eyes.
“You were too young. I didn’t want to be your first love or your high school sweetheart. I want it all. I want the real thing and I was willing to wait until the time that you were old enough for that.”
“Yes, now. But I don’t want to push you. You might spend time with me and decide that you’d rather be with a real man.” When she tried to shake her head, he stopped her. “Let’s just see where this goes, but know that no matter what, I will always love you.”
He brought his lips to hers to stop Buffy from talking and as the kiss progressed, Spike was glad they were on her porch and not in a room alone somewhere. How could he possibly go slow, when she was revved up and ready to go in fast forward?