Authors: 2writers4spike aka mabel_marsters & dawnofme
Warning: Mentions of Spike with others.
Betas: seapealsh & slaymesoftly. Thank you so much!
Anticipation: a: a prior action that takes into account or forestalls a later action b: the act of looking forward ; especially : pleasurable expectation
Summary: Having no idea how it happened, Spike finds himself back in 1977, reeling from a newly acquired soul and more guilt than most could handle. After dodging Drusilla, his main focus is getting back to his own time and back to Buffy in Sunnydale so that he can atone for all he's done. That is, until he sees the newly born slayer in 1981 and goes off in a new direction. Can he stop the events that brought misery to Buffy's life, or will he be forced to watch destiny destroy the woman he loves all over again?
Disclaimer: We own no part of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series. We write this purely for fun and not financial gain. No infringement of copyright intended.
banner by dawnofme
Spike sat in his car in the deserted high school parking lot, watching Giles and the teacher, Jenny, leave the school. The watcher took quick steps, ushering Jenny to his own car, and started the engine. He’d been tempted to seek Giles out many times recently. Giles might be the one person who could help him figure out why he’d gone back in time. He just wasn’t ready to tell anyone his secret yet. Who would believe him anyway?
Spike loosened his death grip on the wheel and followed Giles home at a safe distance, even though Spike knew it was pointless. He wasn’t going to get a chance to catch Giles alone tonight. He’d never expected that Giles would have a date, even on a Friday night.
The plan was to approach Giles while he was alone and introduce himself. If anyone might be on his side about trying to get Angel to leave town, it would be Buffy’s watcher. As Spike sat in his car, staring at Giles’ apartment, he realized that as plans went, this one sucked.
Buffy would hate Spike for going behind her back like this. He hadn’t even worked out what he would say to Giles. “Hello, I’m Spike. William the Bloody. I’m a vampire, but I’m harmless and I have a soul like Angel, but you need to make Angel go away.” That just didn’t sound right. And should he warn Giles about the curse? His girlfriend, Jenny, knew about it. Spike remembered that much; Angelus had gone on and on about how he killed the woman because she’d been working on a spell to stuff his soul back into him.
He drove off, determined to find another way and found himself on autopilot, heading for the Bronze. Buffy would probably be there. Knowing that Angel would be there too left a foul taste in his mouth, but he had to make Buffy see reason.
As was usual for a Friday night, the Bronze was wall-to-wall people at 9:00 P.M. Most of the kids were too young to get into a real nightclub and the Bronze was the only place they could go. He took a seat at the bar, ordered and swiveled around to watch the dance floor.
He smiled fondly when he saw her out there with Willow and Xander. The first time he’d laid eyes on her she’d been dancing in that very spot.
“What are you doing here, Spike?” Angel suddenly said as he stood beside him.
“What does it look like I’m doing, you git? I’m having a drink.”
“It looks to me like you’re undressing Buffy with your eyes.”
Spike chuckled. “Yeah, you would think that, because that’s where your depraved mind is always at.”
Well, this was interesting. Spike looked long and hard at Angel and could see the twitching eye that Buffy had mentioned. Angel looked ready to tear him apart. Spike stood up.
“I’m not going to shut up until you learn to keep your bleeding paws off Buffy. She doesn’t need that from you.”
Angel shoved Spike and said, “How do you know what she needs?”
Buffy rushed up and got between them as the two vampires faced off over her head. “Okay, break it up, guys.” They continued to glare at each other. “I mean it.”
“You need some help here, Buff?” Xander asked as he came up behind her. “And who is this guy?” He nodded towards Spike.
“No. Everything’s under control. Isn’t it?” One by one, Buffy fixed them each with a menacing glare.
“It’s fine, Xander,” said Angel. “This guy was just leaving, weren’t you?”
Ignoring them both, Spike pleaded with Buffy with his eyes. “I need to speak with you. Alone. Right now.”
Gazing at him for a moment, she sighed and then shook her head. “No. I’m busy.” She locked her arm with Angel’s. “I’m on a date with my boyfriend and he was just about to dance with me. Weren’t you, honey?”
Spike put his hand in his pocket and gripped his trusty stake. What he wouldn’t give for the opportunity to drive it through the smug looking ponce’s heart. Instead, he stood by and watched them walk to the dance floor. In all the time Spike had seen them together, he’d never heard her call Angel honey and it didn’t sound genuine. Buffy was staring at him from the dance floor. Was she trying to make him jealous?
He didn’t even realize that Xander was still standing there until the boy said, “Again, I ask, who are you?”
“Name’s Spike—and I know you’re Xander.”
Spike struggled not to vamp out as Xander sat on the bar stool next to him. As if his night wasn’t already horrid enough.
“I know you helped to save her from the Master, but Buffy won't talk about you. Are you stalking her? ‘Cause, I gotta tell you, that’s probably not the smartest thing to do. She could kick your ass in two seconds flat. You wouldn’t know what hit you.”
“I’m not stalking her.” He looked at Xander and an idea began to form. Who did Buffy listen to? Her friends of course. Buffy would be turning seventeen in just ten days. He had only ten days to get them to break up. He might not like Xander, but desperate times call for desperate measures. “Listen, mate, let me buy you a drink.”
Xander eyed him wearily and after a few seconds, he shrugged. “Sure, I’ll have a Mountain Dew.”
When Xander took his first sip, Spike said, “Angel is bad news.”
“What do you know about Angel?” Xander asked cautiously.
“Everything. I know he’s a vampire with a soul and I know things you kids don’t. Hell, I even know things about Angel that he doesn’t know about himself.” Spike sniffed and then drank down the last of his beer. He stood up and put a hand on Xander’s shoulder. “If I were you, I’d strongly urge Buffy to dump him.” Spike leaned in closer to Xander’s ear. “He’s dangerous.”
From her vantage point in Angel’s arms on the dance floor, Buffy had watched the exchange between Spike and Xander. Her attempt to make him jealous by getting cuddly with Angel hadn’t worked at all and now she was dying to know what Spike had told Xander. She sighed when Spike turned to leave, but she gripped Angel a little too tight when she met Spike’s eyes across the room.
Now that she saw the gleam of anger in Spike’s eyes, she didn’t think it had been a good idea to try to rub her relationship with Angel in his face. She tried to tell herself that she loved Angel, but even before Spike had come to her rescue from the Master, she’d been thinking about him.
The more Spike tried to distance himself from her, the more she wanted him to want her. There had to be something wrong with her to be attracted to vampires. Even ones with souls. Even ones that had saved her life a couple of times.
Spike turned on his heels and stomped off. She continued to grasp Angel as she watched the blond vampire exit the building.
“You sure have a good grip,” Angel said.
“Oh, sorry.” She let go of him and tried to smile but failed. “You know what, I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll walk home.”
“Get your coat. I’ll walk with you.”
She shook her head. “That’s okay. Do me a favor and let Willow and Xander know that I’m going home. And maybe you could walk with them when they leave to make sure they get home safely.”
Angel nodded, gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow night?”
Keeping her steps slow and steady, she headed for the exit. Once she was through the doors, she quickened her pace, even though she had no idea where Spike had gone. She’d just gotten past the building when Spike said, “Looking for someone?”
Buffy paused, her heart pumping faster. “No. I’m just on my way home.”
He pushed off the wall that he was leaning on to walk with her when she started moving again.
“Um, isn’t Revello Drive that way?” Spike pointed over his shoulder.
Inwardly, she groaned. “I’m taking the long way.” He kept walking with her as she went around the building and headed for home. “What were you talking to Xander about?”
“Hmm, I didn’t think you’d noticed. What with being attached to your boyfriend on the dance floor.”
“Oh, I noticed. And I also noticed how jealous you were of Angel when you saw us out there.”
He didn’t answer her. As they walked along, the silence that dragged on became uncomfortable. When they reached her porch, he went up the steps and stood with her at the door.
“There are things you don’t know about Angel,” he finally said.
“You think I don’t, but he’s told me about Darla, Drusilla and you. I know the things that he’s done and I know that he’s been trying to redeem himself by doing good.”
Spike shook his head. “It’s not enough. He’s still dangerous. A walking time bomb with fangs.”
She scoffed. “Oh, come on. Angel loves me. He told me so. You’re just jealous.”
A growl turned into a frustrated shout. She was fascinated with the play of lines across his face as he vamped out. She knew she should be afraid, but she wasn’t. He flinched when she reached out to touch his face.
“I’ve seen so many vampire faces. They’ve always disgusted me, so why does yours look so… interesting?”
In an instant, he’d changed back. “Listen to me, please. I don’t want you to get hurt. Angel is not the one for you.”
“What does it matter? You keep telling me you aren’t interested. Why do you even care?”
“Because I do,” he said emphatically.
She put her hand on her neck and tried to squeeze the tension away. “I can tell that you mean it, but I’m sorry, that’s not good enough. Angel loves me and I won’t break up with him just because you say I should. You’ve got to give me a better reason than that.”
Spike inhaled and closed his eyes. Buffy could clearly see that there was a war going on inside him and a trickle of fear went down her spine. Was he fighting the urge to hurt her? She gasped when he opened his eyes and grabbed her shoulders. The kiss was so unexpected. She should fight him; make him stop. Guilt washed over her even as she relaxed in his arms. She had a boyfriend. But he never kissed her like Spike was kissing her. A buzz of pleasure went from her lips straight to her stomach and continued down to her navel and then between her thighs.
When she pressed against him and made a tiny noise in her throat, he pulled away from her, staring at her with shock and regret in his eyes. She hated that look. It was as if he was ashamed of kissing her, when she should be the one to be ashamed for liking the kisses of another vampire and letting someone who wasn't her boyfriend kiss her.
“I’m sorry, Buffy. That shouldn’t have happened. It just proves that I’m right. You’re a teenager with a healthy amount of raging hormones. You shouldn’t be allowed near Angel.”
Angrily, she wiped at her mouth. “Well then, I guess it’s not a good enough reason to break up with my boyfriend.” She unlocked the front door and went inside. Before she closed it, she said, “Let’s just say it never happened.”
Even she jumped at the force of it slamming. Buffy leaned against the door, but didn’t have time to take all that had happened in as her mother came running down the stairs, wanting to know if she was okay.
~ * ~ * ~
Spike stood by his favorite tree for another hour. The curtains were closed to her room, but he could see her silhouette as she moved around. He felt terrible for kissing her -- she was only seventeen – and even worse about putting his foot in his mouth with his words after the kiss. He’d watched enough talk shows over the years to know that you should never throw the fact that a teenager was a teenager in a teenager's face. And it wasn’t a very smart thing to blame her feelings for Angel or him on raging hormones, though he was right on the money there.
He put out his latest cigarette and looked at the window again. The part of him that loved Buffy with every fiber of his being raged at her words about Angel saying he loved her. He wanted to shout at the window, that only he loved her like she deserved. That he was the one who’d never left her. But it wasn’t true. He had left her. In his time period, he had raced off, telling himself it was for her own good. And it turned out that it was. He got a soul and a second chance to make things right.
Problem was, he knew that Angel really did love her, even if it was just fluffy puppy love on Buffy’s end. She took that moment to open the curtains and look down on him. Frowning, she quickly shut them again. The light went off, but he didn’t budge from his spot by the tree.
He needed time to think, but time was running out. Should he go to her watcher now? Should he wake Buffy up and tell her about Angel’s curse? Both options seemed pointless. The watcher didn’t know him from Adam, and he wouldn’t trust a vampire to tell the truth. Buffy would think it was a lie to get rid of Angel.
Angel – that was it! He would believe it. Spike would make him believe it. If Angel loved Buffy as much as he claimed to, he would go. If Spike let history repeat itself, Angel would be taking off in about a year from now. But he didn’t want Buffy to go through all that again. He had to protect her.
He took off down the street at a jog and ended up in a full sprint, wishing he hadn’t left his car in the Bronze parking lot. Spike got to Angel’s door and tried to bash his way in, but after the last time he’d done it, it looked like the git had used what few brain cells he had and had the door reinforced.
He pounded his fist on the door. “Angel! Open up. Angel!”
The door flew open and Spike tumbled inside. “Keep it down. I don’t want to disturb the neighborhood.”
“Sit down and shut up, because I have something I need to tell you.”
“Don’t use that tone with me, boy.”
“Can it, gramps. I don’t have time for your posturing.” Spike sat down on the edge of the bed and tried not to think about what might occur there in ten days if he didn’t do some very good convincing.
“What’s so all important,” Angel asked, sitting down next to him.
“There’s more to the curse that put your soul back in your body than just getting the soul.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about a clause in the soul curse. You have one purely happy moment. Ever. And the soul goes poof.” Spike wiggled his hands in the air for emphasis. “And the rest of us are stuck with an obsessed-with-ending-the-world, worse-than-before-Angelus.”
“Okay, what have you been smoking?”
Through closed teeth, Spike said, “I’m telling you the truth.”
“Time to go, Spike.” Angel stood up, pulling on Spike’s arm.
“Don’t touch me, you wanker. I’m telling you the truth. If you love Buffy as much as you say you do, then you’ll stay the hell away from her before you get the chance to have that pure, happy moment.”
“I’m not following your insane line of thinking,” said Angel, shaking his head.
“Do I have to spell it out for you?” Incredulous at Angel’s stupidity, he continued, “Buffy. Like the nuns you used to have so much fun with. She’s a virgin. You are madly in love with her. She’s a teenager with raging hormones. Sooner or later, she’s going to want to move things along in your relationship and there’s no way you could resist that. Believe me, I know. You’ll shag, you’ll have your…your happy moment and… it will be the happiest moment of your bloody existence. The soul takes a holiday and you will go after Buffy and all of her friends. Tormenting the hell out of them all.”
Spike nodded. “But true. You know it is. I couldn’t make this stuff up. If you love her, you need to get far, far away from her. Let her meet some nice kid at school to date for awhile.”
“I’m not leaving here on your word that the curse will do what you say it will. How stupid do you think I am?”
Spike sputtered and stamped down the comeback. Instead, he stood and said, “Okay, you don’t believe me. Fair enough. Go talk to Giles’ girlfriend, Jenny. She’ll confirm that everything I’ve said is true.”
“Miss Calendar? The school teacher?”
“Yes. The school teacher who also happens to be a Gypsy and more importantly, a direct descendant of the old woman who put the curse on your soul and shoved it back into your sorry carcass. She’s here in Sunnydale for a reason. To keep an eye on you.”
With a scowl on his face, Angel went to the door and opened it. “Out! Now! Before I forget that we’re family and dust you.”
Spike stopped in front of Angel and got in his face. “I’d like to see you try.” He backed away and really stared at Angel. “I’m telling you the truth. Go talk to Jenny.”
~ * ~ * ~
The next night, Spike was taking a stroll in his cemetery, hoping that something evil would come his way. He needed to kill something. A whole herd of somethings.
He’d gone looking for Angel right at sundown, but he wasn’t at his apartment or any of the other places he could usually be found. Spike knew that if Angel couldn’t be convinced, he’d have to go to Jenny and Giles and get them to convince him. If he couldn’t get Angel to leave town and stay away from Buffy, Spike was going to have run a stake through Angel’s heart. He’d already done it to Drusilla and Darla. He really didn’t want to have to do it to Angel too. And Buffy would hate him if he did.
He was spared from thinking about it when a group of three vampires cut across the cemetery.
“Hey! Where do you think you’re going?” Spike shouted as he jogged up to them.
The tallest vampire glared at him. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll get out of our way.”
With a smirk and a rush of adrenaline, Spike went on the attack. He got the tall one right away and as his dust floated to the ground, Spike engaged in battle with the other two. One jumped on his back as he drove his stake into the heart of the other. Suddenly the weight on his back was gone and dust covered him.
Spike turned to see Buffy with a stake in her hand.
“Thanks, love. I could have taken them all but—”
He flew back, landing on his arse and holding his nose. He wanted to grin at the familiar feel of getting punched by Buffy, but the murderous look on her face stopped him.
“What the bleedin’ hell was that for?” he asked, he voice muffled by his hand.
“What did you say to Angel?”
He rose to his feet. “I haven’t seen Angel tonight.”
“Last night. What did you tell him to make him break up with me?”
Spike wanted to jump up and shout with joy, but Buffy’s sudden tears stopped him. “Don’t cry.” He let his hands fall to his side and watched her, not knowing what he should do. He never knew what to do when someone cried. If he thought she’d let him, he would fold her in his arms and hold her tight. “I’m sorry.”
She glared at him and said, “What are you sorry for? For running my boyfriend off? ‘Cause I think that’s a lie. You aren’t sorry for that.”
“No, I’m not sorry that Angel is gone. He is leaving town, right?”
Tears continued to fall, but she nodded.
“What I’m sorry about is that you had to get hurt at all. I promise you, if Angel hadn’t left town, the pain you’re feeling right now would be a hundred times worse in about two weeks.”
“You don’t know that!”
Buffy started to pace in front of him. “Everyone is always trying to make decisions for me and I’m sick of it.” She stopped in front of Spike and narrowed her eyes. “Giles knows why Angel is leaving and even Miss Calendar knows, but they won’t tell me because Angel asked them not to. I have to know.”
Spike nodded. “You deserve to know.” Taking off his coat, he walked over to a gravestone and laid the coat on the grass. “Sit down.”
Once they were both comfortable, with their backs against the gravestone, Spike told her all he knew about the curse, but left out how he knew. She listened intently and when he was through, she shook her head. “That’s totally nuts and so unfair. And how did you know about it when Angel didn’t even know.”
“You’ve said that before.”
He shrugged. “One day, I’ll tell you everything. But right now, your friends are probably worried about you.”
They stood up together and with soft, sad eyes, she asked, “So, if Angel and I would have… Well you know. Then he would lose his soul and turn evil?”
“Yes. So by leaving, Angel is protecting you and protecting many innocent lives.”
“This totally sucks,” she said with a pout.