Authors: 2writers4spike aka mabel_marsters & dawnofme
Warning: Mentions of Spike with others.
Betas: seapealsh & slaymesoftly. Thank you so much!
Anticipation: a: a prior action that takes into account or forestalls a later action b: the act of looking forward ; especially : pleasurable expectation
Summary: Having no idea how it happened, Spike finds himself back in 1977, reeling from a newly acquired soul and more guilt than most could handle. After dodging Drusilla, his main focus is getting back to his own time and back to Buffy in Sunnydale so that he can atone for all he's done. That is, until he sees the newly born slayer in 1981 and goes off in a new direction. Can he stop the events that brought misery to Buffy's life, or will he be forced to watch destiny destroy the woman he loves all over again?
Disclaimer: We own no part of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series. We write this purely for fun and not financial gain. No infringement of copyright intended.
banner by dawnofme
Spike woke to the sound of his own panting, sat up in his bed underneath the crypt and growled in frustration. Erotic dreams of being with Buffy had been a part of his life since he’d gone back in time, but they had increased in vividness and frequency since he moved to Sunnydale. He thought of them as well deserved torture.
He had enjoyed the little vacation from the Hellmouth when he followed Buffy back to L.A. for the summer. She’d stayed with her dad and gone on multiple shopping trips, while he occupied his old room at Volkov and Noreen’s place. It had been nice to visit with them again, even though they were a little concerned when he finally told them the real reason he had moved away -- to follow the current slayer to the Sunnydale Hellmouth. Spike assured them that he was safe and that he was only trying to help Buffy but it felt nice to have friends who were actually worried about his wellbeing.
After a yawn and a stretch, Spike got out of bed and lit a candle. He hadn’t been needed much since Buffy started her junior year of high school. He didn’t have to worry about the Anointed One, having offed the little bugger before saving Buffy from the Master; and since Spike was now fighting for the white hats and Drusilla was gone, there had been no real threat to Buffy for a while.
Buffy had handled a freakish zombie making kid on her own and had deftly dealt with a mummy gone wild over Xander. Secretly, he’d been rooting for the mummy girl, but Buffy was just too good at her job and Xander walked about freaked out, but alive. Spike had stood at the ready to step in when the college kids tried to sacrifice Buffy, but the others had saved the night.
Mostly, he’d spent the last two months following and admiring Buffy from a distance when she patrolled. Her fighting skills were getting increasingly better and Spike was not surprised anymore at how well she’d fought against him in his own past.
But tonight, she would be helpless.
He finished getting dressed, climbed the ladder and headed out with purpose. It still felt wrong to be out on Halloween with all the people walking around, and their scents made it more difficult to track Buffy. Finally, after searching in vain for thirty minutes, he decided that the best place to look for her would be the alley where he’d seen her the last time this night had happened.
The dirty, narrow alley was already occupied when he came around the corner. A high school student dressed as a pirate threw boxes and debris around, looking for something. Spike pressed himself against the wall and hid, knowing that Buffy would show up any minute. He stifled a gasp when she rushed into the alley from the other end, dressed in her old fashioned lady’s costume with long black hair flowing down her back and over her shoulders.
The pirate laughed and advanced on Buffy, telling her the things he wanted to do to her and that snapped Spike out of his trance. Buffy trembled with fear, but when Spike punched the pirate and knocked him out, her eyes widened in surprise.
“Th…thank you, kind sir. Please, can you help me?”
Spike could hear the Scoobies’ chatter as they approached the alley. After a quick look around, he found an unlocked door to a building and waved her over. “Come this way. You’ll be safe in here.”
Buffy picked up her skirts and ran through the door that he held open for her. Once the door shut behind them, the only light in the warehouse came from the moon shining through a few dirty windows up high. Buffy shivered and rubbed her arms.
“Here, love.” He shrugged out of his coat and put it around her arms. “You’re shaking.”
She wrapped the coat around her, but took a few steps away from him. “I…I shouldn’t be here… alone with you. It’s not proper.”
“You’re safe with me. Always safe with me,” he said, backing away from her.
He sat down on a table, lit a cigarette and watched her as she glanced around the room and then let her eyes fall on him again.
“Do I know you?” she asked.
“Yes.” He stood up and smiled fondly at her. “I remember the hair now. The last time I saw you like this… Well, things were different, but I remember thinking how beautiful you looked and I liked how helpless you were.” He chuckled wryly as she looked on with her head slightly tilted in confusion. “’Course, I also liked it when you snapped out it and I ended up with the wig in my hands, because it was always more fun for me when you could fight back. You kicked my arse then and I ran away. I’m not really proud of that part.”
Buffy shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
He crushed the cigarette under his boot and was pleased when she didn’t shrink away from him as he approached her. “It’s okay, pet.” He ghosted his hand over her dark wavy hair and sighed.
“You shouldn’t touch me. It’s not proper,” whispered Buffy, but she didn’t move away from him.
“You’re right. And that’s why you haven’t seen much of me lately. I’m there, watching in the shadows, but I don’t dare get close enough to touch you… not yet.” Spike held his hand out for her to see and said, “Now look who’s shaking.”
Gazing into her eyes, he knew the very second that the Halloween spell lifted; he watched as recognition swelled in them. Spike took a step back as Buffy pulled off the wig.
“What are you afraid of, Spike?”
“Buffy!” Xander’s voice drifted in from the alley.
Spike quickly walked to another exit and, before opening the door, he said, “You’d best see to your friends.”
He jogged away before she could stop him.
~ * ~ * ~
Spike had his feet propped up on his coffee table as he lounged in his favorite chair, a bottle of Jim Beam and a package of Weetabix at his side. He held the remote in his hand and clicked around the channels for the umpteenth time. Everything was reruns for him and TV just wasn’t as fun as it used to be.
He jumped when the door to his crypt burst open, but once he saw Buffy, he stood with a lopsided grin on his face. “There was always something missing about this place, but I’ve just figured it out. Barging in like you do. Now, this place feels like home.”
Buffy stood just inside and slowly glanced around the room. She didn’t know what had possessed her to practically break the door down and now she just felt silly. To cover for the awkwardness, she crinkled her nose before saying, “This is where you live?”
Standing up, Spike shrugged. “Yeah, home sweet home. Have a seat.”
“Uh, that’s okay.” Feeling a little bolder, Buffy shut the crypt door before taking a stroll around the room. He had a small refrigerator, a microwave, the chair and tables and a nice sized TV. “The Persian rugs are a nice touch, but Angel has a basement apartment.”
Spike scowled. “Yeah, and the broody bugger decorated it to look more like a tomb than this place does.” Buffy was fascinated by his black nail polish as he scratched his elbow and said, “So, you found me. What brings you by?”
She swallowed and looked down at her boots. She’d been trying to get information from Angel about Spike for months. Every time she brought up the platinum blond vampire, Angel would find an excuse to leave or say he didn’t want to talk about it. After the incident at Halloween, she’d been more insistent, but it had taken a few weeks before she could pin Angel down. After all that, all it took to get some answers from Angel was to threaten to hunt Spike down and ask him her questions directly.
“Well, I did some research and after looking at your history, I had to guess that you had a soul like Angel, because if you didn’t you would have been trying to kill me, not help me out. I asked Angel and he says you have a soul, but that he has no idea how you got it.”
He pushed the plush chair out further and sat on the coffee table. “Please, sit down.”
Spike wouldn’t meet her eyes, but he sat down on the table, facing the chair, and waited for her to get comfortable. “Seems like you’ve got all the answers,” he said and then raised his eyes to hers.
His eyes were mesmerizing. She’d heard of vampires who could put people in a trance-like state, but she admitted to herself that he was just very good looking and that was all the thrall he needed. It was getting harder and harder for her to convince herself that she was in love with Angel. She thought that she was, but then she’d started having dreams about kissing Spike. After he saved her from the Master, the dreams had gotten even more intense and she couldn’t stop thinking about him.
“I don’t have all the answers. Like for instance, I don’t know how you got your soul.” She leaned forward in the chair. “Were you cursed with it, like Angel?”
“I’m nothing like Angel.”
“Okay. Sorry. So how did you get it then?”
Spike opened his mouth to speak, but shook his head instead. How could he explain that he was from the future and what he’d almost done to her before he took off for Africa? “I might tell you one day, but you’re not ready to hear about it yet. Just know that it wasn’t a curse. I asked for it. I fought for it.”
“Why can’t you tell me?” Buffy said, going to her feet in frustration. “I know you’ve been watching me for years, and while I know I should be creeped out by it, I’m not. But it’s not fair that you’re keeping secrets from me.”
By this time, Spike was standing too; he clenched his jaw and shook his head. “Please, trust me.” When he stared into her eyes, he could see her on the floor of her bathroom, begging him to stop. Now, he turned his back on her. How could he even suggest that she trust him?
“I do trust you. For some reason. I mean, I haven’t even told my friends or my Watcher about you.”
Spike faced her again and she was much closer than she had been. “You mean, Angel-Cakes hasn’t told any of them?”
Buffy shook her head. “He doesn’t like to talk about you at all. He gets a little tick in his jaw and his eye gets twitchy when I say your name.”
“You need to tell him to leave town,” he said abruptly.
“I’m so not telling my boyfriend to leave town.” Buffy’s brows furrowed as she studied him. “Okay, now you are going all twitchy. You can’t be jealous. I mean, you barely even talk to me.”
Spike’s heart soared at the sad look on her face. Did she want him to be jealous? If she only knew. This was all new territory. The vulnerability in her eyes. The hesitation and even the soft way she spoke to him. Angel had taken all that away from her the last time around and Spike was going to make damn sure he didn’t take it from her again. The trick now would be to keep the slayer, who seemed to be developing a crush on him, far enough away, long enough for her to grow up just a little bit more. She wasn’t emotionally ready for the very adult feelings he had for her. Spike had never been on the receiving end of a crush before and he had no idea how to handle it.
“Listen, love. You are an incredible person. You’re beautiful, vibrant, powerful, and inside you are strong and determined. All things that I can’t help but admire, but you’re too young yet for a relationship. You should be going to parties and dances with boys your own age and having fun, not stuck stealing kisses with the likes of Angel in cemeteries.”
Buffy folded her arms across her chest and stood with her feet planted apart. “Angel doesn’t think I’m too young.”
“That’s the whole fucking problem!” Spike bit his lip and tried to calm down. For a split second, fear had replaced her anger and he hated himself for causing that kind of reaction in her. “Look, I’m sorry, but Angel is no good for you. He has no business touching you and he’s only going to end up breaking your heart. You. Deserve. Better.”
Buffy sighed and blinked slowly before she turned and went to the door. She stopped after opening it and looked at him. “Thank you for keeping me safe at Halloween when I couldn’t protect myself. I’m a big girl now though. You don’t need to follow me around. I can take care of myself.”
He nodded. “I know you can. You’re incredible when you fight.”
Spike hoped that would be enough for her that he would admit that she could take care of herself, because he wasn’t about to agree to stop looking out for Buffy. No matter what she said.